Too many people date someone when they still have feelings for another person. I was guilty of this myself in my early 20’s.
Some tend to think dating a new person will help them get over someone else or it will diminish their feelings. Yet, that is not the case. It may put a mask or band-aide over it, but this will not help because it all falls within you and your personal growth. Yes, you may feel better because this other person is filling that void. Unfortunately though, it is short-term and will come back ‘atcha like a boomerang.
Dating another person during this stage is unhealthy. It’s unhealthy for you and it’s unhealthy for this new relationship you are going into. How is that even fair to this new person that you have feelings for someone else too? I feel why should I invest my time into you, if you can’t even give me 100%? Would you want to date someone if you knew they also had feelings for another person?
I’ve dated people that were not over an ex. Although they wouldn’t admit it, I could read between the lines. Even the way they talked about their ex seemed obvious something was still there. After I stopped dating some of these people, it was even clearer and the truth came out. Trust your gut in those instances. It is always right!
Dating someone under those circumstances is downright cruel and selfish. Especially if you are not honest with them on where exactly you stand. Also, you may be putting a lot of pressure on this new person if you have high expectations of what you want. Perhaps you have the “grass is always greener” mentality. Perhaps you’re comparing this “new” person to a “previous” person you dated. It is wrong on so many levels.
Life is too short to wait for timing to be perfect. Let that person know how you feel. Take that chance; unless they are already in a relationship of some sorts, then be respectful of that. If perhaps they are in a relationship, then this is the universe’s plan for your life at the moment. That could be the closure you need to decipher that it is not meant to be. Also, strive to understand why you may be putting them on a pedestal. Why you even have feelings for them in the first place? Take the time for you to heal and move on from those feelings or find closure with them.
Is this an ex you still have feelings for? A crush? If it is an ex, then the relationship ended for a reason and you need time to heal from the breakup. Understand that if the timing was right, then you would still be together. Yet, the harsh truth is you are not. Timing is everything.
“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading that last one”.
If this is a crush that is in a relationship or isn’t interested in you; well, the timing isn’t right for a reason. Maybe you two are not compatible. Maybe you wouldn’t be happy with this person because of your differences. Either way, they are unavailable for a reason. This can make sense to you when you emphasize from this different perspective.
Dating is much healthier with a genuine fresh, new start. No feelings for anyone else (even an ex), no baggage; a clean slate and a new beginning. This way you are actually giving it a 100% fair chance. When dating someone under those circumstances, it is easier to comprehend if it does not work out. Also, you cannot blame it on anything that has to do with your past either. You will have more validated reasons for it not working out, and it can make a lot more sense.
Spare this “new” person the heartbreak if they are already in that place to give you 100%. Do the right thing!