Grab a cup of coffee or your favorite glass of wine for these joyous experiences with my Uber riders!
Recently, I became an Uber driver to assist with my bills. I drive on a Friday or Saturday night (sometimes both) and event nights. I must say, it has been quite a ride (pun intended!) being an Uber driver and the interesting/crazy/fun people I have met! I figured; why not share some fun stories?! FYI – I carry pepper spray with me!
- Last weekend, I picked up this younger female from this beautiful mansion. It was midafternoon and at first glance I thought I was picking up a next day one-night-stander. She dressed rather… slutty. After second glance, I noticed she was in daisy duke shorts and a tank top with her bathing suit on underneath. She jumped in the backseat of my car, and then started bitching that he was running late as always.
Then continued that she told him over and over Uber was almost here, and he always takes longer than her to get ready. I thought, alright… maybe this was not a one night stand. A few minutes later he came out and jumped in my car. This man was much older than this young pretty blonde girl, whom was around 22 years old. He was a Hulk Hogan lookalike. He jumped in and she started nagging on him for always running late. To what took him so long, he smells like oil, why did he put oil on… It was hilarious to listen to.
She then went on saying why did you bring $1,000 in cash when we are going to the beach?! Oh and “I hate drinking on Sunday’s. It makes you so unproductive the next day. I hate when people call it Sunday Funday. It’s so stupid”. She went on reminding him to get the pest control out to the house because of the Hooters photoshoot coming up (Ah ha! She must be a Hooters girl… maybe that’s how they met. Does he own a Hooters?!).
Later he went on to saying he’s a well-known trauma surgeon (Ok, so maybe he does business with Hooters?!). Then she complained that he didn’t clean his ears out and she wanted to take a picture to show him… Eww gross! It got even grosser when she mentioned something on his pants from their fun earlier. Ohhhhkkkkk time to turn the music up! The ride in traffic to dropping them off to the beach bar, felt like an eternity. But was quite an entertaining one!
- I had another eventful evening picking up an intoxicated man in an unsafe neighborhood. He was incoherent and slurred his speech as he jumped in the back seat of my car (Thank God it was the backseat!). I could smell the alcohol on him from the front of the car. He sat in the back and I noticed he did not put the destination in the app. I sat there, asking him over and over where he needed to go.
- He kept naming off bars that didn’t even exist in Tampa. That’s when I realized, this could be a long drive/evening. Finally, he tried telling me his home address but he was so wasted that I couldn’t even understand him.
- I kept asking him to spell it out for me but his words were so slurred. It sounded like he was speaking another language. Luckily, he ended up putting it in himself. I was praying that it was going to be quick!
When I was driving him home, he went on about how “they just don’t get it. They don’t care. No one does. They don’t even realize it or that I’m gone. They are home sleeping”. “When I get home, I’m going to burn the place down”. Say what?! Um… ok. Why am I hitting all these red lights?! Then he just continued rambling about things that just weren’t making any sense to me. I continued saying “uh huh” “right” “yeah, I get it”… to keep him talking so he didn’t vomit in my car. He then went on to talking about how beautiful I am, and I’m a Queen, I deserve the best, I’m so sweet and nice like him.
That’s when I started feeling uncomfortable and nervous. Whenever inebriated guys talk about how pretty you are… you just never know what’s next. “What’s your name again?” “Elizabeth” “Oh yes, Queen Elizabeth”. Five minutes later, “What’s your name?”…. “Elizabeth”… “Like Queen Elizabeth”… this happened a few times. Finally, we were getting closer to his house and there was a gas station. “Pull ova here, pull here. Ova there” Me: “We are almost to your house, how about I just drop you off at home” Dude: “Pull overrrrr”. I pulled over. Then he kept asking me what I wanted to drink, and over and over I told him I was fine.
Luckily, he was quick going in and out of the store, and he ended up getting me strawberry milk and water. I finally arrived to his house, and he took several long minutes getting out of my car. He asked for my hand, kissed it, talked about how beautiful I was and I’m a Queen (OMG, please just get out of my car!). Then finally departed! I locked my doors immediately, went offline on Uber, sanitized my hands then got the hell out of that area! Wow, that was the scariest/strangest experience yet!
- One Friday evening I picked up these two drunken dudes in SOHO (South Howard for those that don’t know). They headed straight for the strip club! The whole ride there, they were discussing boobs (which was hilarious I might add). How one of their wife’s boobs don’t look the same anymore since having kids. He kept telling me not to have kids so my boobs don’t change.
- The other one chimed in and agreed that his wife’s boobs changed too. “They used to be so perky and perfect. I was obsessed with them!” Then they were discussing sizes and had the audacity to ask me my size. Um no sir! Not participating in that conversation. They later went on to saying how I was the hottest Uber driver they’ve ever seen and I should join them at the strip club. Oh boys will be boys.
- Another guy I picked up from Downtown St. Petersburg one Friday evening, sat in the front seat of my car. He was drunk, and discussing all his fun that evening. Then he went into a serious conversation about what kind of food he’s going to dive into once he got home. “Ohhhh I have the best homemade potato salad. OMG I’m going to stuff my face with that! I forgot I even had it! Oh I can’t wait!” “OMG, I think I want chicken nuggets too. Yeah, I’m going to make chicken nuggets!” “OH and then I’m going to put jazz music on my record player, and drink some wine!” Haha, he was so hilarious and dead serious about it!